Getting paid to cry and wail: A look at professional mourners

Hi friends,

It’s (almost, kind of) sweater weather! I love to watch the trees drop their leaves, letting go of extra things they no longer need to worry about. Trees do this in order to concentrate their energy on their trunk and roots during winter’s rest. I hope that we can find time to turn inward and do the same!

Have you ever heard someone say that they don’t want music at a funeral or memorial because it will make them cry? I have heard this many times, and I always have to bite my tongue to keep from launching into a huge lecture. Crying is a healthy, natural release that is truly good for you (perhaps the topic of another newsletter). To process grief, we have to feel it. That’s why this month’s newsletter is focused on professional mourners. They were once paid to wail and cry dramatically for several reasons which you will learn about below.

Keep scrolling if you’d like to see what song I have had obsessively on repeat in my car for the past few weeks. I have also included some beautiful artwork and a hilarious (in my opinion) comic of the month. Enjoy!

As always, feel free to reach out if you or a loved one need any help surrounding end of life issues.

Baddie Winkle, whose amazing tagline was “Stealing your man since 1928”, died on Sept 4th at age 97. She didn’t rise to fame until her 80’s, when her great-granddaughter started posting about her joyful fashion sense. Since then, Baddie (real name Helen Van Winkle) collaborated with huge brands, gained 3 million followers on instagram, and encouraged everyone to live authentically and boldly. An absolute legend amongst the age-positive crowd!

She had designed her funeral ahead of time and was laid to rest in a pink fur coat and lots of rhinestones.

In other super random news:

Rainn Wilson Says He May Quit Acting to Become a Death Doula

There is an extensive history of professional mourners in many different cultures throughout history. Professional mourners were exclusively women who trained and rehearsed in this particular vocal art form. Having these mourners was seen as a way for the family to express their grief, help the soul separate from the body, and give permission to participants to feel and cry for themselves. The vast majority of these traditions have died out (though rare, you can still find some working in China). Recently there has been a small resurgence of this art form.

Below are three examples:

Left: Wooden model of a funeral barge with the Kites of Nephthys protecting the deceased.

Learn more here.

Right: Professional mourner Hu Xinglian performs at a funeral in China’s southwestern city of Chongqing

Learn more here.

Right: A group of Irish women keening

Learn more here.

These three are just a small scratch on the surface of professional mourning! These vocal laments have been an important part of many indigenous cultures all across the world.

Artwork

The Angel of Grief by William Wetmore Story

The original Angel of Grief Weeping Over the Dismantled Altar of Life was sculpted in 1894 by Story as a way to cope with the loss of his beloved wife Emelyn. This sculpture serves as a beautiful depiction of the pain that those left behind often experience. The Angel of Grief ended up being Story’s last sculpture. He died one year after his wife and was buried alongside her.

Song

Woke Up New by The Mountain Goats

“The first time I made coffee for just myself, I made too much of it/
But I drank it all just 'cause you hate it, when I let things go to waste”

How did I only hear Woke Up New a few weeks ago when it has been out for 20 years!? Though originally meant as a break up song, I quickly heard it through the lens of someone in grief. These delicate lyrics wonderfully describe what I, and so many others, have felt after a loved one dies. Specifically, a loved one that was part of your daily routine. I found that the whole comment section on YouTube is filled with this same sentiment. Listen here.

Comic

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