Why is it so hard to throw things away?

Hi Friends,

These past few months I have been knee deep in trying to figure out how to raise a baby (where is the owner’s manual?). Penelope is now 5 months old and loves to giggle. She is an amazing little being (I’m biased) and we are learning our way together. The parallels of birth and death are absolutely astounding- and the subject of another newsletter coming up soon.

I have also been intensely face to face with my own childhood as of late. The time has come to go through the many boxes of saved things from my childhood now that my dad is downsizing. There is a striking similarity between throwing out a dead loved one’s things and throwing out (or donating) your own childhood things. Both can feel like a betrayal, as if implying you are further killing that person or version of self by releasing the tangible, concrete things.

There are boxes and boxes of my childhood drawings, favorite stuffed animals (many eaten by mice), tiny old, mildewed dresses, even a crinkled paper crown I apparently wore on my 1st birthday. Why does throwing this all out feel so, beyond heart wrenching?

Keep reading below to look a little more at why it is so hard to let go of out things. As always there is artwork, a song, and two comics of the month (one is a repeat that I just had to include again).

Please reach out if you have any thoughts or questions on end of life issues. I’m here for you!

Also known as the “endowment effect”. Learn more here.

The stuffed animal symbolizes the little girl who relied on it, and throwing out one feels like throwing out the other. Learn more here.

That high of getting a gift or buying something exciting has another side to it, unfortunately. Learn more about loss aversion here.

Learn more about the sunk cost fallacy and how it can alter the course of our lives when applied to jobs, relationships etc.

As you can see, SO much goes into the decision making around what to donate, what to give away, and what to throw out. It can call your entire being into question and shake the very core of your identity.

Perhaps we need to look to the Russian nesting doll and trust that every iteration of ourselves is still in there, no matter if we still have that little crinkled paper crown or not.

Artwork

Inge Look

I have recently fallen in love with Inge Look and her charming depictions, of who she calls, “the aunties”. We really don’t get to see representation of elderly joy very often, which in turn can make it feel like there isn’t any!

“Together with her neighbour, Inge Löök has had wine in the tree*, they have sailed with a parasol and they have had a picnic under the table. Most of the adventures of the aunties that Inge Löök has drawn show what she in real life has experienced with her neighbour.” - via her website

Her work challenges our idea of what old ladies do and feel, which is remarkably important for combatting our society’s deeply rooted fear of aging.

*Having wine in a tree is at your own risk. I just don’t want you to fall and break a hip, okay?

Song

“No Hard Feelings” - The Avett Brothers

When my body won’t hold me anymore/and it finally lets me free/will I be ready?/When my feet won't walk another mile? And my lips give their last kiss goodbye?/Will my hands be steady?/ When I lay down my fears, my hopes, and my doubts/ the rings on my fingers and the keys to my house/with no hard feelings

This song has always been at the very top of my vigil playlist. Seriously. If you do one thing today, let it be listening to this song. That is all I will say.

I have to do a quick shout out to the awesome guy and his family who I had the honor of sitting with as he died to this song. Talk about a beautiful exit. You did a wonderful job.

Click here to listen!

Comic

Now go forth and enjoy the week, you little Russian nesting doll!

Enjoyed this newsletter? Make sure to drag it over to your primary folder so that you continue to see when one arrives!

If you’re receiving this newsletter it’s because you either attended Death Over Drafts, signed up online, or we have connected at some point and I truly think you’ll enjoy this information. If you’d like to be removed, you can click unsubscribe below. No worries— you do you!